Monologue

Here's the monologue I wrote with my friend Bug. Use it for anything you wish, just make sure to credit us.

BOTTLES

Hey uh… I don’t know how this works. My first day. Right… my name’s John S. I don’t know why I’m here. I stopped in the bar across the street tonight, I saw the sign… and here I am… bar across the street. That’s gotta be weird for you guys, huh? Everytime you come in, you gotta see that. Eh, anyway… I’ve had a rough couple days… I’ve had a rough couple of years. Nah, I don’t wanna bring ya’ll down though. Let me tell ya’ll a funny story. This actually just happened to me. This was uh… this was the reason I wandered down to the bar down the street. I locked myself out of my apartment. Which really sucks, by the way. ‘Cause you’ve been out all day at work, doin’ what it is you do… I don’t know about you guys, but I work hard, and there’s nothin’ worse than takin’ the bus home after a long fuckin’ day—sorry, can I curse?—Okay. And, you think you’re about to open your door, crack open a bottle, sit down on the couch, and zone out to whatever the latest Law and Order spinoff is… and then BAM. (motions) No keys. And you know this isn’t a quick fix. You know that you are gonna be sittin’ against the door for an hour-and-a-half, smokin’ cigarettes, fuckin’ dreaming about that couch that’s waitin’ for you right on the other side. So I call the locksmith, he gets there, two hours later. He starts to work on the lock, and I have this moment of panic. ‘Cause I know what’s waitin’ on the other side of that door. Now let me tell you: I’ve always been a messy person. I mean, shit, when I was a kid, my Mom would always be yellin’ at me “Pick up those Legos! Don’t leave your bike in the driveway! Put your dishes in the dishwasher!” Haha… I used to start the school year, man, I’d hit the ground runnin’. I’d say to myself, “This year, John. This is the year you’re gonna turn it around.” Get the binder, the paper, the pencils, pens, stapler, ruler… and have it all organized. Stacked up. Zipped up. Everything in its proper place ready to go. And then three days into it, I’ve lost all my pens. I’m askin’ the poor fucker next to me for pens and pencils every two seconds. The stapler’s all jammed up. Those little metal things in the binder, they’re misaligned. So everytime you turn the page, they rip. I don’t even use folders anymore. I got all my homework just shoved into the middle of my books… what was I talkin’ about? Right. Panic. My place is a mess. So the locksmith’s workin’ on the door, and I’m cringing. But then, just as he opens the lock and gets in, he turns to me and says, “Jesus, buddy. I think you’ve been robbed!” My apartment was so fucked up, that this guy actually thought some maniac and broken in and ransacked the place. I just said, “Oh! Oh wow. Uh… that’s horrible!” So he immediately pulls out his phone to call the cops. So I say, “don’t worry about it. I’ll the cops myself. Let me just go in and figure out what’s missing.” He says, “You sure buddy? You gonna be alright?” I said, “Yeah, yeah. I got this.” And just for good measure, I threw in a “Goddamnit!” So he leaves… I step inside… and I close the door. And… whooh! Relief! I dodged that one. God… so I’m standin’ there I’m kind laughin’ to myself, I look around, and… yeah you know, my place is a mess. I’ve got a month’s worth of garbage bags in the kitchen… the dumpsters a 30-second walk away from my apartment, they’re still sittin’ there. I haven’t hung up a single article of clothing since I’ve moved. The floor has become my closet. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m just kinda washing the dishes that I need, so it’s just that top layer is gettin’ washed and used, everything below that… it’s like the abyss. But the crowning achievement of this masterpiece is the bottles. Beer bottles, liquor bottles… all over the place. On the TV, on the coffee table... The spare bedroom is devoid of furniture, and the floor is covered wall-to-wall with bottles. Now I know what you’re thinkin’: why? And I have the answer to that. Security. The way I figure: you go stumbling through this apartment in the dark, in the middle of the night, you are gonna make some noise. You know all that jazz about people in glass houses? Yeah, that applies here. You are not gettin’ into my apartment without breakin’ some shit. Hahaha… nah, I’m just kiddin’. I dunno. I dunno how it started. Well, I guess at first it was lazniess. Okay. Fine. But then I’m thinkin’, “I can do something positive with this. I can recycle this. I’ll be doin’ my part for uh… global warming, or whatever?” Plus, I can put whatever I make off these bottles towards more bottles. I remember the first time I had that thought. I kinda walked around the apartment. I thought, “Okay. I need to be organized about this. Plan first. Then execute.” So I’m goin’ from room to room, I’m lookin’ at each stash… the coffee table, the space under the coffee table, the dining room table, the space under the dining room table, every available counter, all the shelf space, the hidden ones under the shelves, the top of the fridge. And then I get to the guest bedroom, and I’m looking at it in all its glory…. And I realize: I can’t throw these out. I earned these. They represent time. Every single one of these bottles is part of a memory. You know, the uh… the bottle of Tres Generations that my best friend brought back from Mexico… the bottle of Sky that I jacked from my sister’s wedding reception… the bottle of Popov I bought the next day when my father told me I had ruined the wedding and that I was no longer welcome in his home… the multiple bottles of Jack that I went through when my girlfriend left me. Lotta memories. It’s easy to think that a guy sittin’ home drinkin’ is wasting time, or wasting away… but at least by keeping each and every bottle, I’m accomplishing something. It’s an actual, tangible result. It’s something I can touch, something that’s still here. When everything else in my life is leaving and being taken away from me, these bottles remind me of the time that I’ve spent here. …So there I am, standin’ there, lookin’ at these bottles: my life. All because the fuckin’ locksmith thought that I’d been robbed, and I was too ashamed to tell him otherwise. And it hits me. Everything that I’ve lost is because of these bottles. All the bad things, these bottles brought with ‘em. Everything that I’ve loved was pushed out the door to make room for this collection of glass. And it’s a problem. Because I don’t want to lose anything else. I don’t think I have anything left, but I just don’t want to lose anything else. I just don’t want to lose anything else. I think (ahem)… I think I might be an alcoholic.

My Script, American Pie, and more

Hey guys.

Things have been going pretty well lately. I've been auditioning non-stop for various projects. I managed to land a commercial role, so that's pretty exciting.

My script that I'm writing with Bug is finally finished... sort of. We finished a first draft about two weeks ago; it clocked in at around 128 pages. We took a trip to the Writers Guild and registered the script for copyright, which I was very relieved to do. In the meantime, we're doing some rewrites on it after getting some feedback. We should have another draft done in the next week or so. We're still really excited about it, especially some of the changes we've made.

Also, I finally saw "American Pie Presents: The Book of Love!" Needless to say, I was surprised. It was really, really good. It had a nice flow to it, it was actually funny, and it had heart. I think people will be very surprised when/if they watch it. It's so much better than the last three straight-to-DVD Pie films.

I'm tempted to make a YouTube video defending the movie, because a lot of people are rolling their eyes at the thought of yet another American Pie film. Hey, I did too. When I got the audition, I said to myself, "Really? Another one?" I didn't have high expectations. But as we started filming, I could tell that there was a real, group effort in making this film good and watchable.

Even Eugene Levy said that this was his favorite Pie film to work on, and he also said something along the lines of, "It's good to see the American Pie franchise back in good hands."

So for all you skeptics out there, give it a shot. I guarantee you that it's best American Pie film since American Wedding. It's funny, it's still raunchy, but it actually has a good story, plot, and well-rounded characters that you actually care about. As far as I'm concerned, the "Presents" in the title shouldn't even be there. Check it out.

Other than all that, I've just been trying to survive out here in L.A. Not much to tell there. Pretty boring, actually.

Stay tuned for some more updates on the script, and be sure to check out American Pie Presents: The Book of Love on DVD December 22nd!

American Pie Presents: The Book of Love Official Poster!

Click for high resolution!

Waiting

So things have been very slow since my last update. Not a lot of auditions... I do have a big one coming up in a few days, and I'm going to really buckle down and prepare my ass off for this one.

I'm still in L.A., but I don't know for how long. I'm getting to the point where I may be in a financial bind soon, and I'll have to move back home for a couple months. It's a bit discouraging, but I know I'll be back on my feet eventually, if that happens.

My writing project is going swimmingly. I'm really excited about it. I'm writing with Bug Hall, who is one of my co-stars in the new American Pie film. He's also Alfalfa from "The Little Rascals," for those who need a solid reference. We've had several brainstorming sessions, and we've written down over 25 pages of material, just random facts, character descriptions, plot lines, etc. Every time we talk about it, we just get more excited. I'm excited just typing about it. I think it has real potential to be a great film, if done the right way. We're at a point where we've gathered so much information, and we'll be able to start typing up the script, and put words into the mouths of our characters.

For those few who actually read my blog and who are curious about what the film is about, I'm not going to reveal anything until we've sold it and it's in pre-production. It's still so early in the process, and we don't know if it'll even sell. So if you hear about it, that's a good sign. The one thing I will say is that it's not a strict comedy. It's mostly a drama, with comedy sprinkled in.

Other than writing, I'm still maintaining my YouTube channel as much as I can. It's harder and harder to find time to make videos, even though it's slow. I'm managing. Recently, YouTube offered me an opportunity that could really help me make some great content. I can't say anything about what they're doing for me, but if it all comes through, then I'll be able to go forward with a project that I've been wanting to do for a while, but I never had the resources or the time to do it. If it happens, you guys won't be disappointed.

That's it for this post. Stay tuned for updates on... well, anything.

Getting Used to LA/My Writing Project

So I've officially lived in LA for about four months now, and I'm starting to get a routine down. I audition whenever my manager sends me a script, and in my downtime, I'm making YouTube videos, writing, playing XBox, or hanging out with some new friends I've made. All in all, I'm still getting used to my new life, but it's fun, exciting, and frightening at the same time.

Also boring. It's very slow in Hollywood right now, and I only have roughly one audition a week as opposed to the usual three or four when it's busy. I just keep crossing my fingers, hoping I'll get something else.

I did some ADR work, which is basically dubbing my voice over dialogue in a film that I did. I did ADR for American Pie: Book of Love, and as a result, I got to see some of the footage. Verdict: it looks really, really funny. And that's not an exaggeration, or an ass-kissing remark to anyone who ends up reading this. I'm not saying this to appease producers and build hype up for the film. I honestly find it very funny. There's also buzz among the producers at Universal that this is the best "Pie" film since the original three, and it's the closest, in heart, to the first one. Seeing the footage, I agree with them.

Maybe I'm biased, because I had such a great experience making the movie, but I'm pretty sure I'm able to separate that and look at the movie objectively. It's coming out in December, and I can't wait to see the final cut when it's all done.

Other than that, I've started writing a script with a friend of mine. We have something really special, and already it's looking promising. I feel like I've wanted to write for a while, but I needed someone to bounce ideas off of.

Anyway, that's that. Just really excited, and I can't wait to finish it. It's a long haul, though.

That's pretty much it. Sorry for the sparse updates.

Bye-bye.

Back In The Swing Of Things

So I'm back in L.A., and ready for work.

Already, I have an appointment tomorrow for a table read. For those of you who don't know, a table read is when you sit in a room with a whole cast (all being considered for the roles they read), the director, the writer(s), and the producer(s), and the entire script is read through in one sitting while everyone reads their roles. I'm scheduled to be there for three hours. It sound daunting, but I'm looking forward to it. It's my first table read, so it's bound to be a cool experience, one way or the other.

What could come of this? Well, if the project I'm reading for gets greenlit for pre-production, then the director already has me in mind for the part that I read for. It's kind of like an audition, only better.

Other than that, I have my acting class that I'm attending every Thursday.

I shipped my tripod to myself, so once that arrives, I can start making more videos. I plan to really make a lot more now that I have a lot of free time AND a good place to film. It also helps that if I pick up the pace with my videos, I'll earn enough revenue to pay the rent, so I can save some money. I'm being very frugal lately, just learning how to balance my budget and everything.

Other than that, not much is going on. I brought my XBox 360 back with me from Baltimore, so I've been playing a lot of Oblivion recently. I'm extremely nerdy, yes. I'm a recluse, yes. But it passes the time.

That's it for this post.

Booyah.

Vacation Almost Over

So after I finished my work on Born To Be A Star, I took a flight back home to the east coast and have been visiting family and friends for a couple weeks. Hollywood is apparently pretty slow in June, so I've only had one audition that I put on tape. It's a project called Unstoppable, starring Chris Pine (Kirk) and Denzel Washington. It was an interesting part... I had to look older, so I grew somewhat of a beard. I think I'm going to continue to grow it just in case I need to look older again.

Other than that, I've recently had an idea that I'd like to turn into a script. I've got a writing partner, and we're gonna start brainstorming as soon as I get back. I really think it could turn out to be a great movie. No details right now. Maybe later once we get a lot of it done.

More as it develops. Sorry this blog is so boring, gang (and by gang, I mean the loyal 10-12 people reading it. You know who you are ;-) ). I'll try and spice it up with pictures and stuff. Like a real blog. I dunno. I'll do something.

Peace.